Redditor Wants To Know What Newest Parenting Advice 'Grinds Your Gears'
Kids don't come with an instruction manual. But sometimes, it can feel like certain people on the Internet or playground didn't get the memo. Though mommy wars can be overstated, they do exist. And being told by another parent that you're "doing it wrong" can hurt.
Sometimes, the pressure to buy the perfect toys or say exactly the right thing when your child asks you—for the millionth time—to read a certain book as you try to work from home comes from influencers on social media. Though the advice may be well-meaning, it doesn't work for every child. And when it doesn't help you or your kid, you may feel like there's something wrong with one or both of you.
One parent is over the pressure and advice, so they took to Reddit to ask others about the modern parenting advice that grinds their gears.
"For me. the big one is that telling your child 'good job' is messing with their intrinsic motivation," wrote u/ButtweyBiscuitBass in the Toddlers subreddit. "Every time I hear it, I'm like...citation?"
Here's a citation: A 2002 research review found that praise is beneficial to motivation as long as a child considers it sincere.
So, there's that. Side note aside, the user handed over the thread to other Redditors, asking, "What trendy piece of thinking about child care causes you to roll your eyes?"
More than 1.2K comments rolled in.
"If I hear one more thing about 'toy rotation' from someone who lives in a modern house with tons of closets," wrote one top commenter.
"To not react at all when the kid bites/hits/otherwise hurts you. First of all, I am human. That hurts, and I will yelp from the pain. Also, from experience, ignoring frequent hitting or biting absolutely does not make it stop because they are not getting a reaction," said another.
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Some agree with the original poster (OP): Praise is just fine.
"I tell literally everyone that they're doing a good job—my cats, my hubby, the baby, friends, and family. Sometimes, we just need to be told we're doing a good job! Even if it seems small, it might be a bigger deal for them," said another.
And another person is just sick of everything.
"Social media influencers and parenting book authors all approach it like they have the answer, and if you don't stick exactly to their philosophy, you're absolutely ruining your child's life. No, they don't have the answer. They have an answer. What works for one kid may not work for another, even in the same family. You can pick and choose to get the best out of and for your kid," the person said.
Louder for the people in the back. If you're feeling pressure to parent a certain way based on what you see on social media, consider doing a detox, as some parents did during the holiday break. Experts say some ways to detox include:
- Limiting social media use. Cutting social media usage by just 30 minutes per day can bolster mental health by reducing depression, anxiety, and loneliness, according to research.
- Curate your feed. You don't dictate what influencers and loved ones post, but you can control whether you see it. Unfollowing influencers whose advice doesn't jive with your parenting can prevent you from getting annoyed. Unfriending an actual friend whose elaborate family vacations give you FOMO may be tricky, but you can snooze or mute them.
- Remember: Social media is a highlight reel. Your friend is at the beach—again—and everyone is in perfectly coordinating swimsuits. Meanwhile, you're on your couch watching Bluey reruns with your kid. You may feel like the worst parent, but you never know what it took for your friend to get everyone to the beach. Maybe she had to do loads of laundry first, got a speeding ticket on the way there, or her toddler melted down immediately after the flash went off. Take each post at face value and keep scrolling.
Ultimately, as a parent, you do you. As long as your child is safe and knows they are loved, you're doing a good job—there, I said it too.